So I have totally failed as a blogging mom. Our world has been turned upside down and rightside back again with a HUGE range of changes. We moved in with my in-laws in June, 2015 so that we could fix up our house to put it on the market. I graduated with my Master's of Science in Nursing Executive Leadership in August 2015 (yes - after Madison's birth I continued on with school and was able to finish a few months later). It was exhausting, but with support from my husband and amazing family, I was able to accomplish this. Also, unexpectedly we became pregnant with our 4th a little sooner than we planned - but it worked out perfectly because we finally were able to have our baby BOY!! In May, we placed our first home on the market and sold it within 36 hours for asking price (amazing I know!). At the same time, we placed an offer on a spec home in a new neighborhood in a small town and our offer was accepted.
About a month later, Maverick was born on May 31st, 2016 at 10 pounds, 6 ounces, 23 inches long! Yes, you read that correct. He was evicted because he decided he did not want to come on his own - which I would have needed a c-section any way with his size so it worked out exactly as it was meant to. 2 weeks later, we moved into our first real family home. So 9 months later, I am finally able to sit down and blog about our lives. Maverick is a wild man but the perfect bookend to our family. He doesn't like sleep (like at all - he wakes up every 1-2 hours at night and sleeps only 1-2 hours during the day). He is our first baby in daycare, but he is loving hanging out with kids his own age. He has been reasonably healthy, besides a bout with flu a, RSV, and all the while getting 6 teeth (which could account for him not really wanting to sleep). He is pulling up, army crawling everywhere, and just learning how to interact with toys and his environment. Madison is growing leaps and bounds - she is a hilarious 2 year old - constantly making us laugh. She loves being with her older sisters, and loves smothering her baby brother. They are almost the same size so it is pretty funny. She enjoys playing with dolls, figureines, and anything her big sisters like. Brooklynn is doing amazing at school, and has really grown - she is down to only about 45 minutes of speech a week in school, and is really keeping up with the school work. She is socially becoming more confident and has some close friends at school. She loves legos, superheroes, books, and dolls. Izzy is doing great in her new school, making friends no problem, as well as working on challenging herself academically. She is into athletics and loves riding her bike, dance, and reading and arts and crafts.
Our family is continuing to grow and become a great unit. We are extremely lucky and grateful for all we have been given. I hope to start back up on blogging, not sure if anybody reads these still but it is a good record keeper for me. That is a really really quick snapshot of what has happened in 2 years - we have done a TON but it all seems to summarize pretty well in a paragraph or two haha.
Monday, March 6, 2017
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Welcome Baby Madison!
Things have slowed down a little so I felt I could finally put an entry in for the birth of our third beautiful baby girl - Madison Lea. I love having a history of the girls' and their important events, so here is her birth story.
The whole pregnancy, Sam and I had planned for the worst possible case - due to both girls being born early, and me needing to be on bedrest for both, we had planned on this pregnancy not going well. After months of anticipation, we realized this pregnancy was going to be completely different. 32 weeks came and went with no signs of any issues. 36 weeks came and went and no dilation, no effacement, no restrictions. We started realizing we had a very likely chance of having a term pregnancy. 37 weeks, 38 weeks and no signs I was going to be going into labor on my own. Every day I was having contractions, but nothing that was causing any changes and nothing regular. After discussing with my OB, due to my previous C-section, I did not feel comfortable having a baby vaginally (Or VBAC) due to risks that are associated with this, unless I went in on my own. I was not going to be delivering on my own it seemed, and I knew I had difficulty with delivering an 8 pound baby in the past, and I was concerned with a term baby we may be in the same boat. So with much thought we decided to schedule a C-section on February 5th, hoping I would go on my own.
February 5th, we woke up at 4:30am, went and checked into the hospital at 5:30am. It was so surreal to walk up to the maternity floor and just say "I am here to have a baby". They checked us into the pre-operative room, calmly started my IV, hooked me up to the monitors so we could hear her heartrate (which was perfect) and track any contractions (very few). Two hours of prep with lab draws, IV fluids, and history taking, all calm and collected. The anesthesiologist walked in and talked to me about the spinal block, my OB came in about 7:25am. They had me walk into the OR suite, took Sam to the daddy room, and prepped me for delivery. It was the most surreal feeling - last time I was in the C-section suite, I was so ready to deliver the baby after 20+ hours of labor, 2+ hours of pushing, that I did not even care what was going on and frankly was so tired I didn't even pay attention. This time, I was refreshed with sleep, and my nerves started taking off. They placed my spinal block great - ever person in the delivery room was amazing and calm and talked through everything. The nurse anesthesiologist was sweet and made sure I was letting her know what I was feeling. My body below my ribs went completely numb, they did all the prep they needed, and I was doing this all without Sam by my side.
As soon as the started putting the blue sheet up, they allowed Sam to come into the room. I started crying because all my emotions were raging - I was scared, I was nervous, I was excited, I felt unsure of if this was the right choice. Sam came in, held my hand, and calmly talked me through to get my nerves calmed down. I was SOO grateful for him when he came into that room - I could not have done it without him - I was able to get ahold of my emotions and just anticipated the delivery of our term baby girl.
At 8:06am, we heard the most amazing sound. Madison came out crying, and didn't stop crying. It was the most wonderful sound, as with both girls they cried, but instantly stopped and required intervention. The nurses calmly walked her over to the warmer, Sam was able to go see her and came back and told me the best news - she looks perfect and is just calmly laying there letting the nurses do what they needed to do. He brought her over so I could see her, I was able to give her a kiss I was able to look at her beautiful face without her being rushed away. It was an amazing feeling. She was born at 7 pounds 13 ounces, 20 3/4 inches long, 14 3/4 inches head circumference. A perfect size.
After they finished, I was wheeled into recovery. In the recover room I was able to hold Madison, I was able to try to breastfeed her, I was able to love on her and marvel at her beauty. I was able to feel what it was like to have a "normal" delivery (at least as normal as you can have via C-section). We were able to be up in our room by lunchtime and the grandparents were able to come back and see her. Throughout the next three days, I had her in my room, I was able to feed her on demand, she had no issues with bilirubin levels being high. She was perfect - it was perfect. The only concern we had was her weight - she lost weight, getting down to 7 pounds within two days (losing 10% of her birth weight - right at the level they start to worry). When we discharged home, she weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce.
The girls were able to come to the hospital to see her the day she was born - this was different than what we had planned as they had been closed to all kids. The lifted the ban on February 1st. It was the best news. The minute Izzy and Brooklynn walked through that door, their eyes lit up and they were instantly in love. Both held Madison - she didn't cry she just laid there, allowing her sisters to marvel at her size. My heart grew bigger watching the sisterly bond that was already forming. I knew that it was the perfect decision to expand our family from a family of four to a family of five. Madison just fits perfectly.
One of the pediatricians in the doctor's office (not the one we go to) came in and checked on her the day she was born. He asked about the genetic disease Brooklynn has. I explained that Madison does not have any increased risk than anybody else in the community (again which is 1 in 200,000) as Sam and I have already had our labs drawn and we do not have the mutation. He didn't listen, and rather said we needed to get her in to genetics and make sure she doesn't have anything. I was pissed. I was frustrated. Sam was frustrated. We didn't want to start this story again. The next day, our amazing pediatrician came in and checked out Madison. She stated everything looked great - she was doing well. She talked to me about the recommendation from the previous doctor - no genetics referral needed to be made - she is not at increased risk and we will just watch her closely to make sure there were no signs of anything, but at this time there were no concerns. I smiled. It highlighted again why I loved this pediatrician - she listens, she responds appropriately, and she takes my input as a parent and respects and validates my feelings.
Madison is three weeks old tomorrow - she is well above her birth weight (8 pounds 6 ounces on Monday at the doctor's office). She is eating every 2-4 hours. For two nights in a row she has slept from 3-4 hours between feedings. I am loving life right now and loving my three beautiful girls more than I ever thought I could. Watching Sam sweetly look at Madison makes my heart full. Seeing Izzy and Brooklynn not showing one sign of jealousy, but rather be full of love for their baby sister, makes me smile. Life is good. I am so grateful.
The whole pregnancy, Sam and I had planned for the worst possible case - due to both girls being born early, and me needing to be on bedrest for both, we had planned on this pregnancy not going well. After months of anticipation, we realized this pregnancy was going to be completely different. 32 weeks came and went with no signs of any issues. 36 weeks came and went and no dilation, no effacement, no restrictions. We started realizing we had a very likely chance of having a term pregnancy. 37 weeks, 38 weeks and no signs I was going to be going into labor on my own. Every day I was having contractions, but nothing that was causing any changes and nothing regular. After discussing with my OB, due to my previous C-section, I did not feel comfortable having a baby vaginally (Or VBAC) due to risks that are associated with this, unless I went in on my own. I was not going to be delivering on my own it seemed, and I knew I had difficulty with delivering an 8 pound baby in the past, and I was concerned with a term baby we may be in the same boat. So with much thought we decided to schedule a C-section on February 5th, hoping I would go on my own.
February 5th, we woke up at 4:30am, went and checked into the hospital at 5:30am. It was so surreal to walk up to the maternity floor and just say "I am here to have a baby". They checked us into the pre-operative room, calmly started my IV, hooked me up to the monitors so we could hear her heartrate (which was perfect) and track any contractions (very few). Two hours of prep with lab draws, IV fluids, and history taking, all calm and collected. The anesthesiologist walked in and talked to me about the spinal block, my OB came in about 7:25am. They had me walk into the OR suite, took Sam to the daddy room, and prepped me for delivery. It was the most surreal feeling - last time I was in the C-section suite, I was so ready to deliver the baby after 20+ hours of labor, 2+ hours of pushing, that I did not even care what was going on and frankly was so tired I didn't even pay attention. This time, I was refreshed with sleep, and my nerves started taking off. They placed my spinal block great - ever person in the delivery room was amazing and calm and talked through everything. The nurse anesthesiologist was sweet and made sure I was letting her know what I was feeling. My body below my ribs went completely numb, they did all the prep they needed, and I was doing this all without Sam by my side.
As soon as the started putting the blue sheet up, they allowed Sam to come into the room. I started crying because all my emotions were raging - I was scared, I was nervous, I was excited, I felt unsure of if this was the right choice. Sam came in, held my hand, and calmly talked me through to get my nerves calmed down. I was SOO grateful for him when he came into that room - I could not have done it without him - I was able to get ahold of my emotions and just anticipated the delivery of our term baby girl.
At 8:06am, we heard the most amazing sound. Madison came out crying, and didn't stop crying. It was the most wonderful sound, as with both girls they cried, but instantly stopped and required intervention. The nurses calmly walked her over to the warmer, Sam was able to go see her and came back and told me the best news - she looks perfect and is just calmly laying there letting the nurses do what they needed to do. He brought her over so I could see her, I was able to give her a kiss I was able to look at her beautiful face without her being rushed away. It was an amazing feeling. She was born at 7 pounds 13 ounces, 20 3/4 inches long, 14 3/4 inches head circumference. A perfect size.
After they finished, I was wheeled into recovery. In the recover room I was able to hold Madison, I was able to try to breastfeed her, I was able to love on her and marvel at her beauty. I was able to feel what it was like to have a "normal" delivery (at least as normal as you can have via C-section). We were able to be up in our room by lunchtime and the grandparents were able to come back and see her. Throughout the next three days, I had her in my room, I was able to feed her on demand, she had no issues with bilirubin levels being high. She was perfect - it was perfect. The only concern we had was her weight - she lost weight, getting down to 7 pounds within two days (losing 10% of her birth weight - right at the level they start to worry). When we discharged home, she weighed 7 pounds 1 ounce.
The girls were able to come to the hospital to see her the day she was born - this was different than what we had planned as they had been closed to all kids. The lifted the ban on February 1st. It was the best news. The minute Izzy and Brooklynn walked through that door, their eyes lit up and they were instantly in love. Both held Madison - she didn't cry she just laid there, allowing her sisters to marvel at her size. My heart grew bigger watching the sisterly bond that was already forming. I knew that it was the perfect decision to expand our family from a family of four to a family of five. Madison just fits perfectly.
One of the pediatricians in the doctor's office (not the one we go to) came in and checked on her the day she was born. He asked about the genetic disease Brooklynn has. I explained that Madison does not have any increased risk than anybody else in the community (again which is 1 in 200,000) as Sam and I have already had our labs drawn and we do not have the mutation. He didn't listen, and rather said we needed to get her in to genetics and make sure she doesn't have anything. I was pissed. I was frustrated. Sam was frustrated. We didn't want to start this story again. The next day, our amazing pediatrician came in and checked out Madison. She stated everything looked great - she was doing well. She talked to me about the recommendation from the previous doctor - no genetics referral needed to be made - she is not at increased risk and we will just watch her closely to make sure there were no signs of anything, but at this time there were no concerns. I smiled. It highlighted again why I loved this pediatrician - she listens, she responds appropriately, and she takes my input as a parent and respects and validates my feelings.
Madison is three weeks old tomorrow - she is well above her birth weight (8 pounds 6 ounces on Monday at the doctor's office). She is eating every 2-4 hours. For two nights in a row she has slept from 3-4 hours between feedings. I am loving life right now and loving my three beautiful girls more than I ever thought I could. Watching Sam sweetly look at Madison makes my heart full. Seeing Izzy and Brooklynn not showing one sign of jealousy, but rather be full of love for their baby sister, makes me smile. Life is good. I am so grateful.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Hmm... 6 months since my last post? I need to get caught up!
So it has been 6 months since my last post. Holy cow! I am totally slacking on blogging about our life (I am sure my readers are happy for a break though) :). I do feel there should be some updates to this blog, however, as much as changed in our little household. First of all, as many know, I am pregnant! With another little girl - so by February we will have three beautiful little girls running us ragged and making our hearts swell even more. Right now I am 26 weeks . . . and here are some of my thoughts.
It took us a LONG time to decide to try to get pregnant again. We had actually decided we were done. With everything we dealt with Brooklynn, and three years of doctors appointments, and the fear of genetic testing, and fear of the unknown, we didn't want to risk it. We were afraid. We were nervous. We didn't want to push our fate. But we received testing that showed that Sam and I did not have the PTEN mutation. Only I am the carrier of the alpha-5 reductase deficiency (all described in previous posts). So the risk of us passing on any type of genetic disease was slim. And the risk of us having a baby with another genetic disease was the same as every other person out there. That brought us a little relief.
But that wasn't the whole picture. My pregnancies haven't been easy. Izzy was easy - until I hit 32 weeks and I started having contractions, started dilating, and spent 2 weeks in the hospital going in and out of labor. Then with Brooklynn, due to my history we were cautious. However, at 19 weeks ultrasound, we found my cervix was funneling, and was shortening. Fearful that it was my cervix that caused the issues with Izzy, I was put on modified bedrest from 19 weeks until 30 weeks. So was my body telling me that I am not meant to be pregnant? Both girls were born at 36 weeks, and overall pretty healthy at birth.
So after 3 years, we decided that maybe we could reevaluate our thoughts of being done. This all occurred of course after we sold ALL of our baby stuff. We were at a different place in our lives, and it had been 4 years since I was last pregnant. Maybe this time would be different? So we decided to give it a go. I was in a different job that I didn't have to be on my feet all day. I could listen to my body and relax if I needed to, as I had more flexibility. The girls were older and able to care more for themselves, which decreased the demand on my body. So we spent 8 months trying for a baby. And finally, the last month we were going to try before giving it a break for another year, I got pregnant.
So I have made it to 26 weeks. And every week I live in fear that my body will start failing me. That my body will start contracting. I question whether we made the right decision. But every week we get further along in my pregnancy, I see that we have made it further than we did with Brooklynn before precautions. Maybe this pregnancy will be different? I will continue to hold my breath until I get to 28 weeks. At that point, I will be able to let myself breath a couple of times here and there until we get to 32 weeks. After 32 weeks, I will be ecstatic if we can make it to 36 weeks. And than if I could go term? Than maybe we will consider having a fourth child.
Yep - I live in fear about my decision to try again. But this pregnancy has been so different, so I pray we made the right decision. Every week I look at a baby at work who is the same gestation as what I currently am. Every time we get a baby who has a diagnosis of a genetic disease, I live in fear again that maybe this time we are going to encounter something completely different and this time it may be more dangerous or scary. I have to remind myself that we have done everything possible to guarantee this pregnancy will be different, and that we have done everything right. And our risk is the same as the rest of the population for any type of disorder.
The girls are SOO excited for a little sister. I hope we can have a little sister born that is healthy and able to come right home so that the girls can start being the big sister they want to be. Izzy has come up with multiple names, including Margaret, Lucy, Jessie, and more. Brooklynn has gone between naming the baby "falcon" or "ironman". They both get a little nervous when they feel baby move but love talking to her. I am grateful for every week we make it closer to term. So those are my random thoughts about getting pregnant, my fears, my excitements, my nervousness.
Brooklynn's genetic disorder is scary to me still - any day we could find a bump or a lump, or she could develop symptoms that suggest a growth or even the "c" word. I am able to manage it better in my head and not let it overpower me. I go months now between researching PTEN - before I was looking it up at least once a week. I am still diligent to make sure there is no up to date information, but it is not as obsessive as it was before.
Brooklynn has her yearly thyroid ultrasound next week. I am praying there are no growths or no concerns, just like the last two years. That would make me happy. She also has a dermatology appointment next week due to a growth on her nose and a change in the look of one of her freckles/moles on her thigh. I am hoping these are benign and of no concern. But I don't want to be lazy and think it is nothing and not take her in. This will be our life - every change we will need to be careful with and not sit on. Because quick diagnosis and treatment are going to be imperative with her - so we will have to be diligent to watch her closely and identify changes so that we can make sure we get her evaluated quickly. So next week I am hoping to have two appointments that we hear the words "normal". I would love it!
So there are some of the changes in a nutshell. The nice thing about not posting in 6 months? That means there have been no significant changes in anybody's health - that we have been able to live a normal life working full time, managing a household and a marriage, two amazing girls, and me going to school, Life is hectic but fabulous!
It took us a LONG time to decide to try to get pregnant again. We had actually decided we were done. With everything we dealt with Brooklynn, and three years of doctors appointments, and the fear of genetic testing, and fear of the unknown, we didn't want to risk it. We were afraid. We were nervous. We didn't want to push our fate. But we received testing that showed that Sam and I did not have the PTEN mutation. Only I am the carrier of the alpha-5 reductase deficiency (all described in previous posts). So the risk of us passing on any type of genetic disease was slim. And the risk of us having a baby with another genetic disease was the same as every other person out there. That brought us a little relief.
But that wasn't the whole picture. My pregnancies haven't been easy. Izzy was easy - until I hit 32 weeks and I started having contractions, started dilating, and spent 2 weeks in the hospital going in and out of labor. Then with Brooklynn, due to my history we were cautious. However, at 19 weeks ultrasound, we found my cervix was funneling, and was shortening. Fearful that it was my cervix that caused the issues with Izzy, I was put on modified bedrest from 19 weeks until 30 weeks. So was my body telling me that I am not meant to be pregnant? Both girls were born at 36 weeks, and overall pretty healthy at birth.
So after 3 years, we decided that maybe we could reevaluate our thoughts of being done. This all occurred of course after we sold ALL of our baby stuff. We were at a different place in our lives, and it had been 4 years since I was last pregnant. Maybe this time would be different? So we decided to give it a go. I was in a different job that I didn't have to be on my feet all day. I could listen to my body and relax if I needed to, as I had more flexibility. The girls were older and able to care more for themselves, which decreased the demand on my body. So we spent 8 months trying for a baby. And finally, the last month we were going to try before giving it a break for another year, I got pregnant.
So I have made it to 26 weeks. And every week I live in fear that my body will start failing me. That my body will start contracting. I question whether we made the right decision. But every week we get further along in my pregnancy, I see that we have made it further than we did with Brooklynn before precautions. Maybe this pregnancy will be different? I will continue to hold my breath until I get to 28 weeks. At that point, I will be able to let myself breath a couple of times here and there until we get to 32 weeks. After 32 weeks, I will be ecstatic if we can make it to 36 weeks. And than if I could go term? Than maybe we will consider having a fourth child.
Yep - I live in fear about my decision to try again. But this pregnancy has been so different, so I pray we made the right decision. Every week I look at a baby at work who is the same gestation as what I currently am. Every time we get a baby who has a diagnosis of a genetic disease, I live in fear again that maybe this time we are going to encounter something completely different and this time it may be more dangerous or scary. I have to remind myself that we have done everything possible to guarantee this pregnancy will be different, and that we have done everything right. And our risk is the same as the rest of the population for any type of disorder.
The girls are SOO excited for a little sister. I hope we can have a little sister born that is healthy and able to come right home so that the girls can start being the big sister they want to be. Izzy has come up with multiple names, including Margaret, Lucy, Jessie, and more. Brooklynn has gone between naming the baby "falcon" or "ironman". They both get a little nervous when they feel baby move but love talking to her. I am grateful for every week we make it closer to term. So those are my random thoughts about getting pregnant, my fears, my excitements, my nervousness.
Brooklynn's genetic disorder is scary to me still - any day we could find a bump or a lump, or she could develop symptoms that suggest a growth or even the "c" word. I am able to manage it better in my head and not let it overpower me. I go months now between researching PTEN - before I was looking it up at least once a week. I am still diligent to make sure there is no up to date information, but it is not as obsessive as it was before.
Brooklynn has her yearly thyroid ultrasound next week. I am praying there are no growths or no concerns, just like the last two years. That would make me happy. She also has a dermatology appointment next week due to a growth on her nose and a change in the look of one of her freckles/moles on her thigh. I am hoping these are benign and of no concern. But I don't want to be lazy and think it is nothing and not take her in. This will be our life - every change we will need to be careful with and not sit on. Because quick diagnosis and treatment are going to be imperative with her - so we will have to be diligent to watch her closely and identify changes so that we can make sure we get her evaluated quickly. So next week I am hoping to have two appointments that we hear the words "normal". I would love it!
So there are some of the changes in a nutshell. The nice thing about not posting in 6 months? That means there have been no significant changes in anybody's health - that we have been able to live a normal life working full time, managing a household and a marriage, two amazing girls, and me going to school, Life is hectic but fabulous!
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
It's been awhile...
It has been a while since I have posted on this blog, so I thought I would just do a little journaling, for my own sake. I never posted the girls' letters for the birthdays this year. That makes me feel terrible. Izzy turned 6 and Brooklynn turned 4 - I can't believe they have grown so fast! Izzy is truly amazing. She is bright, funny, caring, loving, athletic, and just plain awesome. She is 6 going on 16 some days, throwing her little attitude around when she doesn't get her way and this drives me CRAZY! However, if she is this way when she is 16, I think I can manage. She always wants to help others, and any time she sees someone sad, she wants to cheer them up with a hug or a story, or just by distracting them with playing. She tells me she loves me all the time and I love that she understand what that means. She tells me everything, and even when it is hard for her, she still knows she can come to me. I hope she always feels that way. I am amazed at how much she has learned, from addition and subtraction, to reading, to science, to the world. She is a sponge and just sucks in all the knowledge and really enjoys finding out new information.
Brooklynn is her amazing self as well. She is resilient, strong, loving, caring, funny (hilarious actually), energetic, interactive, and creative. She has made significant improvements this year by progressing with her interaction skills at school - she has "best friends", she plays, she tells stories, and I love hearing her little voice talk. After years of not being able to explain how she was feeling, or to tell us a story, this milestone truly makes my heart grow! She is a little more timid now than she used to be with things, but this is a good thing - she used to be fearless, now she is starting to understand what limits she should have. Yet she pushes past when she thinks she can't do it any more with encouragement. She is learning her letters, she is writing most of her name, she is starting to understand the concept of numbers. We have decreased the amount of follow up appointments (actually, most specialists have officially cleared us unless something pops up). She is able to finally be a girl who goes to the doctor when she is sick, not just to evaluate what could be. I love that. I can't wait to see how much further she is in another year from now! Even her teacher, when we sat down to go over her IEP, didn't feel like she was the same girl as the year before. This teacher didn't have her last year, and she didn't see her struggles. So it was nice to see that her IEP was no longer pertinent (mostly) and that she has made such significant strides in improvement. I love my girls, and am very grateful for all the things they teach me as the years go on.
We are trying to get into the Cleveland Clinic to meet with Dr. Charis Eng, who is the expert in PTEN. We are really hoping we can go this summer, meet with her and other specialists, and just get an idea as to what to expect. There is also a research study about developmental delays and milestones, so we will be enrolling her (hopefully) in this, and be receiving a full blown developmental evaluation from someone who understand PTEN and the struggles that others with this diagnosis face. The knowledge and expertise will be amazing to hear - not that the doctors here aren't knowledgeable, and some actually see other patients with PTEN. But this is a clinic actually devoted to PTEN! How exciting.
So we will see what this next year brings. I am anxious, excited, nervous, hopeful, and truly grateful for every day.
Brooklynn is her amazing self as well. She is resilient, strong, loving, caring, funny (hilarious actually), energetic, interactive, and creative. She has made significant improvements this year by progressing with her interaction skills at school - she has "best friends", she plays, she tells stories, and I love hearing her little voice talk. After years of not being able to explain how she was feeling, or to tell us a story, this milestone truly makes my heart grow! She is a little more timid now than she used to be with things, but this is a good thing - she used to be fearless, now she is starting to understand what limits she should have. Yet she pushes past when she thinks she can't do it any more with encouragement. She is learning her letters, she is writing most of her name, she is starting to understand the concept of numbers. We have decreased the amount of follow up appointments (actually, most specialists have officially cleared us unless something pops up). She is able to finally be a girl who goes to the doctor when she is sick, not just to evaluate what could be. I love that. I can't wait to see how much further she is in another year from now! Even her teacher, when we sat down to go over her IEP, didn't feel like she was the same girl as the year before. This teacher didn't have her last year, and she didn't see her struggles. So it was nice to see that her IEP was no longer pertinent (mostly) and that she has made such significant strides in improvement. I love my girls, and am very grateful for all the things they teach me as the years go on.
We are trying to get into the Cleveland Clinic to meet with Dr. Charis Eng, who is the expert in PTEN. We are really hoping we can go this summer, meet with her and other specialists, and just get an idea as to what to expect. There is also a research study about developmental delays and milestones, so we will be enrolling her (hopefully) in this, and be receiving a full blown developmental evaluation from someone who understand PTEN and the struggles that others with this diagnosis face. The knowledge and expertise will be amazing to hear - not that the doctors here aren't knowledgeable, and some actually see other patients with PTEN. But this is a clinic actually devoted to PTEN! How exciting.
So we will see what this next year brings. I am anxious, excited, nervous, hopeful, and truly grateful for every day.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
One Year Later
It has been one year since we received the phone call diagnosing Brooklynn with PTEN Hamartoma Tumor Syndrome. Depending on the day, sometimes I can't believe it has only been a year, and other times I can't believe it has already been a year. In this last year, I have learned a few things about myself and my family.
1. Those who care about you will stick by you through everything. Even when you are at your worse (because believe me, I was very emotional in the beginning), they understand you and allow you to not be at your best at all times.
2. Sometimes having a diagnosis does relieve some of the stress. Not being diagnosed, Brooklynn had to be at the doctors at least every month. Now that we have a diagnosis, we are going months between appointments. November is our thyroid ultrasound, and the only other appointment we have that we know of coming up is cardiology in April. To us, that is amazing. Any month we can go without doctors appointments really is a blessing.
3. Sometimes having a diagnosis really really sucks. I am glad we know what to look for. But I hate that we know what to look for. That we have to watch for signs of overgrowth. That we have to be aware of neurological symptoms that can indicate growths in the brain. That we have to watch for signs of GI polyps. And so on and so forth. And no matter how much time passes from the time of diagnosis, it will still be difficult knowing that this is her life...
4. At times, I am glad that I have a medical background. But there are times where I can turn everything over and just ask Brooklynn's doctors to be 100% responsible for knowing all of her possibilities. I hate carrying that load on myself. I want to look at her like my daughter, not like she is a patient. I am getting a little better at not "examining" her all the time. But I know I always have to look for things.
5. Brooklynn is truly an amazing young girl. I knew this before we had a diagnosis, but I know it even more now. Because even the barriers she has had to overcome, such as speech delay, muscle weakness, illnesses - she is still the HAPPIEST girl I have ever met. She throws fits, yes, but her overall demeanor is happy go lucky. It's pretty amazing to see.
6. I am very glad we have Izzy. Their sisterly bound is amazing. When Brooklynn has tests or any doctor's appointments, Izzy is right there telling her everything will be okay. She wants to make her better. She doesn't like to see her sad. I think this is going to have the been stronger as sisters. Brooklynn will need her support, and Izzy will enjoy Brooklynn's positive attitude. (I pray she keeps that positivity through everything).
7. We are stronger than we think we are. And life does really go on. I can sit here and dwell on everything that can happen. Or I can sit here and think of all that has not happened and how every day is truly amazing. I am trying to enjoy life every day with my kids. I take in every second that we go without any illness or fears of something being wrong. Because I have learned it can be taken away quickly.
8. I am still pissed some days. I am pissed that all of Brooklynn's life, the opportunity for her to be a young girl was taken away from her. My opportunity to look at her like "every other kid" was taken away from me. And I also am extremely happy to learn that her uniqueness and the fact that she is not like "every other kid" is what makes me love her even more.
9. Genetics testing really does stink. Because you open the door, and you can keep on going. We spent a whole year drawing labs. One year! That is a long time to have a lab drawn, get results, and decide which lab to draw next. And that you find out a piece of information, how it can truly effect every part of your being and your thoughts about where you were going with life. And you know, insurance companies and medical bills - they are not fun to deal with either. You have to stay on your toes.
So it has been a year. And as a family, we are stronger. And I am learning to not allow myself to dwell. I still stay up to date on journal articles. But I don't stress out about them like I did before. Because one day you can read an article that states cancer risk can be up to 85%, the next day you see an article that says 50%. So, they are still learning. And hopefully by the time cancer is a possibility in her life, we will be hundreds of miles ahead of where we are now, and cancer will no longer be such a scary word because there will be a cure, a preventative medication, something, that decreases her risk. So my hope comes in a lot more than it did when we received the diagnosis.
So far, this diagnosis has not reared it's ugly head. So far, it is allowing us to get the services Brooklynn needs to thrive and continue to grow. I am grateful for that. And while I wear my "medical hat" a little more than I would like, I know that I will be as vigilant as I can. And I know our family will continue to become stronger. I am curious as to where we will be in one year...
1. Those who care about you will stick by you through everything. Even when you are at your worse (because believe me, I was very emotional in the beginning), they understand you and allow you to not be at your best at all times.
2. Sometimes having a diagnosis does relieve some of the stress. Not being diagnosed, Brooklynn had to be at the doctors at least every month. Now that we have a diagnosis, we are going months between appointments. November is our thyroid ultrasound, and the only other appointment we have that we know of coming up is cardiology in April. To us, that is amazing. Any month we can go without doctors appointments really is a blessing.
3. Sometimes having a diagnosis really really sucks. I am glad we know what to look for. But I hate that we know what to look for. That we have to watch for signs of overgrowth. That we have to be aware of neurological symptoms that can indicate growths in the brain. That we have to watch for signs of GI polyps. And so on and so forth. And no matter how much time passes from the time of diagnosis, it will still be difficult knowing that this is her life...
4. At times, I am glad that I have a medical background. But there are times where I can turn everything over and just ask Brooklynn's doctors to be 100% responsible for knowing all of her possibilities. I hate carrying that load on myself. I want to look at her like my daughter, not like she is a patient. I am getting a little better at not "examining" her all the time. But I know I always have to look for things.
5. Brooklynn is truly an amazing young girl. I knew this before we had a diagnosis, but I know it even more now. Because even the barriers she has had to overcome, such as speech delay, muscle weakness, illnesses - she is still the HAPPIEST girl I have ever met. She throws fits, yes, but her overall demeanor is happy go lucky. It's pretty amazing to see.
6. I am very glad we have Izzy. Their sisterly bound is amazing. When Brooklynn has tests or any doctor's appointments, Izzy is right there telling her everything will be okay. She wants to make her better. She doesn't like to see her sad. I think this is going to have the been stronger as sisters. Brooklynn will need her support, and Izzy will enjoy Brooklynn's positive attitude. (I pray she keeps that positivity through everything).
7. We are stronger than we think we are. And life does really go on. I can sit here and dwell on everything that can happen. Or I can sit here and think of all that has not happened and how every day is truly amazing. I am trying to enjoy life every day with my kids. I take in every second that we go without any illness or fears of something being wrong. Because I have learned it can be taken away quickly.
8. I am still pissed some days. I am pissed that all of Brooklynn's life, the opportunity for her to be a young girl was taken away from her. My opportunity to look at her like "every other kid" was taken away from me. And I also am extremely happy to learn that her uniqueness and the fact that she is not like "every other kid" is what makes me love her even more.
9. Genetics testing really does stink. Because you open the door, and you can keep on going. We spent a whole year drawing labs. One year! That is a long time to have a lab drawn, get results, and decide which lab to draw next. And that you find out a piece of information, how it can truly effect every part of your being and your thoughts about where you were going with life. And you know, insurance companies and medical bills - they are not fun to deal with either. You have to stay on your toes.
So it has been a year. And as a family, we are stronger. And I am learning to not allow myself to dwell. I still stay up to date on journal articles. But I don't stress out about them like I did before. Because one day you can read an article that states cancer risk can be up to 85%, the next day you see an article that says 50%. So, they are still learning. And hopefully by the time cancer is a possibility in her life, we will be hundreds of miles ahead of where we are now, and cancer will no longer be such a scary word because there will be a cure, a preventative medication, something, that decreases her risk. So my hope comes in a lot more than it did when we received the diagnosis.
So far, this diagnosis has not reared it's ugly head. So far, it is allowing us to get the services Brooklynn needs to thrive and continue to grow. I am grateful for that. And while I wear my "medical hat" a little more than I would like, I know that I will be as vigilant as I can. And I know our family will continue to become stronger. I am curious as to where we will be in one year...
Thursday, August 22, 2013
What a year this will be!!
I can't get over how many things are going to be different this year!! Many of them are going to be so exciting, but challenging. First off Izzy started Kindergarten!! I can't believe how big she is now!! She is enjoying school so much, and is loving learning all the new things and interacting with new people. She is getting wiped out though, falling asleep by 8:30 most nights (tonight she was out by 7:30). We signed her up for another year of dance, this time graduating to the Combo class, where she will learn more technique for tap and ballet. She keeps asking me about gymnastics, so I told her we will enroll her in gymnastics during the summer so she can experience both! She was thrilled. I also am doing a very grown up thing and have signed up for...gulp...PTA!! Holy cow I can't believe I have a child old enough for me to do things for in PTA. Crazy.
Brooklynn's starts back at Early Childhood Center this year, hopefully beginning the transition from a special education classroom into the regular preschool classroom. This means she will get to interact with children who don't have as many developmental delays. I am really hoping she can start transitioning this year to spend half her time in the Title 1 Preschool, and maybe next year be completely in the preschool, with just having to have therapies every once in a while. The elementary school we go to does not have a special education program, only therapies, and therefore fi she can't transition to a regular class, she will need to go to a different school. We have 2 years for this to happen, so I am glad we are slowly transitioning her so it's not a shock.
I have also made a big step this year and am starting back at college. I am going to Benedictine University online to get my Masters of Science in Nursing for Nursing Executive Leadership. I hope to get into program development, management, something that I can help create and initiate policies and procedures that help with families and children who have special needs manage their medical care easier. I am hoping to get the tools I need to create a program that helps parents manage their child's care.
We have dealt with stomach issues with Izzy. She has complained her stomach hurts since May. So in July, we started her on lactose free milk. It seems to be helping. She seems to do okay with occasionally cheese, yogurts, ice cream, but it was the constant milk drinking. I don't know if this was the solution, or if we will face with stomach issues again, but for now we will stick with lactose free milk. Her doctor feels like she might have a lactose intolerance, so we will just keep monitoring her and if her stomach pains start back up, we are to go back.
I am really enjoying us not having doctors appointments or lab tests pending. We are having Brooklynn's PT look at her at school, as she is starting to rotate her ankles a little more inward, and her toes are pointing out a little more so I am wanting to see if her hot dog inserts are enough to help her muscle tone, or if she needs something that goes up to her ankles. Hopefully they will let us know if it is anything to be concerned about. So we might end up having a PT appointment but we will see. After that our next appointment that is planned will be a thyroid ultrasound in November, and than a cardiology appointment in April!! Yep that's right - in six months we only have 2 planned appointments! This is so amazing!
I have learned, though, based on other people who have experience with PTEN that you never can get too comfortable, and to appreciate all the time you have where doctors visits are not a part of your world. Things seem to just pop up out of nowhere, mostly causing pain, growths, etc that are of concern. I feel like I have to be hypervigilant, which stresses me out. I have to always be aware and do assessments, because I need to catch something at the first sign. If I allow myself to relax and not watch for things, I might not catch something and it might be too late. Today I read about a little girl who is 6 who has PTEN who just had to have her leg amputated because of a tumor that grew that cut off circulation to her body. They had to amputate her leg to save her life. While I know this will probably never happen to us, the fear that something similar might happen freaks me out. There seem to be lots of growths that pop up on kids that cause the to have to have surgery, that affects them through pain, or that cuts off blood supply. It's scary. It creates a sense of fear in me. It makes me hypervigilant. So to all those people who are tired of hearing me talk about it, I apologize. I started this blog post off with some really amazing things. And than it ends with my worries. But again, this is my blog, and it is where I can rant. I hate it, because people talk about their kids, or people they know, and the bad things that happen, and it seems many of those things are possibilities in our lives. I have a coworker who talked about her son's best friend from high school, who had an AVM on his brain, which caused him to get really sick and had to have brain surgery. This could happen to us. She also talked about her son who has GI issues, which increases his risk of GI cancer. This can happen to us. I have a former coworker who is dealing with breast cancer at a much too young of age, and my husband's cousin who has dealt with this battle as well, much too young. This can happen to us. I know this may never happen to us. But I know in the back of my mind that at any time, something COULD happen. Her chances are too high for something to NOT happen. I know something can happen to any of us, but I hate that there are SOOO many things that can happen to her. Just by having this mutation, her risk is too high for too many things. TO a mom, this sucks, it stresses me out. I thought I would be over this stress by now. But I am not. Just when I think I am better and I can move on, I hear another story that makes me think "what if". I hate that.
Brooklynn is such a fun loving kid. She is always happy. She is always cuddly with us. She is funny. She has no fear (sometimes to a fault). She loves to dance, she loves to sing. The thought of anything happening to take any of that away scares me. She is blessed with an amazing big sister. Izzy is amazing with her. She helps take care of her - I know Izzy will always be there, to help support her, help her through her troubles, love her, dote on her. The sisterly bond between these two is amazing. Our family is so amazing. I pray we have many, many, many years where we have no health scares. I am weak - I know I am weak. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am fearful and a worry wart. Those are my weaknesses. My kids are my strengths, and they are my biggest weakness. I don't know if I am strong enough fro anything to happen to them. I know these are all worries that I shouldn't think about. But I am still processing what our life will be. I am still adjusting to that fact that it is not how I had planned. Even though life is not how I planned, I am still extremely blessed. My kids are truly amazing!
Brooklynn's starts back at Early Childhood Center this year, hopefully beginning the transition from a special education classroom into the regular preschool classroom. This means she will get to interact with children who don't have as many developmental delays. I am really hoping she can start transitioning this year to spend half her time in the Title 1 Preschool, and maybe next year be completely in the preschool, with just having to have therapies every once in a while. The elementary school we go to does not have a special education program, only therapies, and therefore fi she can't transition to a regular class, she will need to go to a different school. We have 2 years for this to happen, so I am glad we are slowly transitioning her so it's not a shock.
I have also made a big step this year and am starting back at college. I am going to Benedictine University online to get my Masters of Science in Nursing for Nursing Executive Leadership. I hope to get into program development, management, something that I can help create and initiate policies and procedures that help with families and children who have special needs manage their medical care easier. I am hoping to get the tools I need to create a program that helps parents manage their child's care.
We have dealt with stomach issues with Izzy. She has complained her stomach hurts since May. So in July, we started her on lactose free milk. It seems to be helping. She seems to do okay with occasionally cheese, yogurts, ice cream, but it was the constant milk drinking. I don't know if this was the solution, or if we will face with stomach issues again, but for now we will stick with lactose free milk. Her doctor feels like she might have a lactose intolerance, so we will just keep monitoring her and if her stomach pains start back up, we are to go back.
I am really enjoying us not having doctors appointments or lab tests pending. We are having Brooklynn's PT look at her at school, as she is starting to rotate her ankles a little more inward, and her toes are pointing out a little more so I am wanting to see if her hot dog inserts are enough to help her muscle tone, or if she needs something that goes up to her ankles. Hopefully they will let us know if it is anything to be concerned about. So we might end up having a PT appointment but we will see. After that our next appointment that is planned will be a thyroid ultrasound in November, and than a cardiology appointment in April!! Yep that's right - in six months we only have 2 planned appointments! This is so amazing!
I have learned, though, based on other people who have experience with PTEN that you never can get too comfortable, and to appreciate all the time you have where doctors visits are not a part of your world. Things seem to just pop up out of nowhere, mostly causing pain, growths, etc that are of concern. I feel like I have to be hypervigilant, which stresses me out. I have to always be aware and do assessments, because I need to catch something at the first sign. If I allow myself to relax and not watch for things, I might not catch something and it might be too late. Today I read about a little girl who is 6 who has PTEN who just had to have her leg amputated because of a tumor that grew that cut off circulation to her body. They had to amputate her leg to save her life. While I know this will probably never happen to us, the fear that something similar might happen freaks me out. There seem to be lots of growths that pop up on kids that cause the to have to have surgery, that affects them through pain, or that cuts off blood supply. It's scary. It creates a sense of fear in me. It makes me hypervigilant. So to all those people who are tired of hearing me talk about it, I apologize. I started this blog post off with some really amazing things. And than it ends with my worries. But again, this is my blog, and it is where I can rant. I hate it, because people talk about their kids, or people they know, and the bad things that happen, and it seems many of those things are possibilities in our lives. I have a coworker who talked about her son's best friend from high school, who had an AVM on his brain, which caused him to get really sick and had to have brain surgery. This could happen to us. She also talked about her son who has GI issues, which increases his risk of GI cancer. This can happen to us. I have a former coworker who is dealing with breast cancer at a much too young of age, and my husband's cousin who has dealt with this battle as well, much too young. This can happen to us. I know this may never happen to us. But I know in the back of my mind that at any time, something COULD happen. Her chances are too high for something to NOT happen. I know something can happen to any of us, but I hate that there are SOOO many things that can happen to her. Just by having this mutation, her risk is too high for too many things. TO a mom, this sucks, it stresses me out. I thought I would be over this stress by now. But I am not. Just when I think I am better and I can move on, I hear another story that makes me think "what if". I hate that.
Brooklynn is such a fun loving kid. She is always happy. She is always cuddly with us. She is funny. She has no fear (sometimes to a fault). She loves to dance, she loves to sing. The thought of anything happening to take any of that away scares me. She is blessed with an amazing big sister. Izzy is amazing with her. She helps take care of her - I know Izzy will always be there, to help support her, help her through her troubles, love her, dote on her. The sisterly bond between these two is amazing. Our family is so amazing. I pray we have many, many, many years where we have no health scares. I am weak - I know I am weak. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am fearful and a worry wart. Those are my weaknesses. My kids are my strengths, and they are my biggest weakness. I don't know if I am strong enough fro anything to happen to them. I know these are all worries that I shouldn't think about. But I am still processing what our life will be. I am still adjusting to that fact that it is not how I had planned. Even though life is not how I planned, I am still extremely blessed. My kids are truly amazing!
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Father's Day Post - Way late :)
So I know this is super late, but things have been really crazy lately. So I am going to be writing 2 letters - one to my amazing dad, and one to my hubby!
Dear Dad,
Thank you so much for all you do for our family! You are the strength that I need many times throughout my life. When I think of how things were growing up, we always knew you were there for us. You might be silently sitting in the room, but we knew you would be there to support us no matter how tired you were from work the night before, or if you had to go in that night, it didn't matter. You encouraged us, as women, to be strong. You encouraged us to never think we were any less than a man. You taught us to accept no less than the best - that we deserve the best, and we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You always made sure we knew that we could do anything we wanted to do, and you provided us with the tools we needed to achieve our goals. You taught us to never expect anything less than the best from ourselves. Even if the best we could give was not necessarily the best in the group - you taught us to try as hard as we can. That even if we didn't come in first place, as long as we gave it our all, that is all that mattered. You taught us to accept our failures, but to make sure we learned from them. You were always a little tough on us, not because you were mean, but because you wanted to teach us the value of hard work. And that is so much appreciated. Because now, as a grown woman, I can take care of myself. I take pride in the fact that I work hard, and to know that my dad had a huge hand in teaching me that.
You also taught me the true meaning of undeniable love for my children. I know if we ever needed anything you would drop everything and help us out, whether it is physically, financially, or emotionally. You drive cross country for your family, even in cars that might not make it - you take that risk so you can see the ones you love. You taught us the value of a dollar, and to appreciate what we have. And i hope I instill all those in my kids. I have to say, the hugs you give now are a little tighter, and little longer, and I love them every time. Thank you dad, for all you have ever given us and taught us. The skills and the values you taught me will carry on with my kids. And I love that my kids get to spend so much time with Papa. There is no denying how proud you are of them and of us. The way you look at my kids, and the love you have for them that displays on your face, makes me feel so great. I know that they feel love every where they go, and that makes me feel amazing!! The girls will always be talking about their adventures with their papas. You let them explore and find things out for themselves, even when "helicopter" mom might freak out. You allow the girls to go a little further than I might, and I appreciate that. Because they learned how to go on the monkey bars, how to climb trees, and I know that is mainly due to the fact that you don't restrict them. You let them, safely, explore their limits, and you are ok with letting them fail. But you encourage them to try again. In this world, that is a lesson that is not taught very frequently, and so that lesson is very much appreciated. Thank you for all of that.
I hope you know how much we love and appreciate all you do (every single one of us). My strength and my love for others comes from you and I hope you know how much I appreciate all the lessons you have taught me, and continue to teach me, and all the lessons you give my children that I might not be as good as teaching them.
You are loved more than you will ever know.
Love you,
Beckie
Dear Sam,
Here is my letter to you for all to read. I want you to know how much you are appreciated. How much I have seen you grow and mature, not only as a father, but as a man. The undeniable love you have for your children makes me love you even more than I could imagine. You never cease to amaze me with how much you love the girls. You have sacrificed a lot to be there with us as a father, a husband, and a man. You are teaching the girls how a man should treat a woman. You are always willing to be goofy with the girls. You don't allow them to ever question whether you love them. The fact that you make sure every night you go in and give them a kiss and tell them you love them before they fall asleep, that will stay with them forever. They won't ever doubt that their daddy loves them. I appreciate that you enjoy staying home with the family. That watching a movie and lounging on the couch with the kids is just as exciting to you as going out used to be. The smile you get on your face when you interact with the girls shows how much you truly love them.
Thank you for being there for the girls. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being my strength when I felt like I was falling apart, through everything we have been through this year. Thank you for bringing me back to reality and reminding me to concentrate on the here and now, not the "what ifs". You always try to make it the kids events whenever you can. I hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated, not only by me, but by your children. And that is not something every man can say!
Love you loads,
Me
Dear Dad,
Thank you so much for all you do for our family! You are the strength that I need many times throughout my life. When I think of how things were growing up, we always knew you were there for us. You might be silently sitting in the room, but we knew you would be there to support us no matter how tired you were from work the night before, or if you had to go in that night, it didn't matter. You encouraged us, as women, to be strong. You encouraged us to never think we were any less than a man. You taught us to accept no less than the best - that we deserve the best, and we deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. You always made sure we knew that we could do anything we wanted to do, and you provided us with the tools we needed to achieve our goals. You taught us to never expect anything less than the best from ourselves. Even if the best we could give was not necessarily the best in the group - you taught us to try as hard as we can. That even if we didn't come in first place, as long as we gave it our all, that is all that mattered. You taught us to accept our failures, but to make sure we learned from them. You were always a little tough on us, not because you were mean, but because you wanted to teach us the value of hard work. And that is so much appreciated. Because now, as a grown woman, I can take care of myself. I take pride in the fact that I work hard, and to know that my dad had a huge hand in teaching me that.
You also taught me the true meaning of undeniable love for my children. I know if we ever needed anything you would drop everything and help us out, whether it is physically, financially, or emotionally. You drive cross country for your family, even in cars that might not make it - you take that risk so you can see the ones you love. You taught us the value of a dollar, and to appreciate what we have. And i hope I instill all those in my kids. I have to say, the hugs you give now are a little tighter, and little longer, and I love them every time. Thank you dad, for all you have ever given us and taught us. The skills and the values you taught me will carry on with my kids. And I love that my kids get to spend so much time with Papa. There is no denying how proud you are of them and of us. The way you look at my kids, and the love you have for them that displays on your face, makes me feel so great. I know that they feel love every where they go, and that makes me feel amazing!! The girls will always be talking about their adventures with their papas. You let them explore and find things out for themselves, even when "helicopter" mom might freak out. You allow the girls to go a little further than I might, and I appreciate that. Because they learned how to go on the monkey bars, how to climb trees, and I know that is mainly due to the fact that you don't restrict them. You let them, safely, explore their limits, and you are ok with letting them fail. But you encourage them to try again. In this world, that is a lesson that is not taught very frequently, and so that lesson is very much appreciated. Thank you for all of that.
I hope you know how much we love and appreciate all you do (every single one of us). My strength and my love for others comes from you and I hope you know how much I appreciate all the lessons you have taught me, and continue to teach me, and all the lessons you give my children that I might not be as good as teaching them.
You are loved more than you will ever know.
Love you,
Beckie
Dear Sam,
Here is my letter to you for all to read. I want you to know how much you are appreciated. How much I have seen you grow and mature, not only as a father, but as a man. The undeniable love you have for your children makes me love you even more than I could imagine. You never cease to amaze me with how much you love the girls. You have sacrificed a lot to be there with us as a father, a husband, and a man. You are teaching the girls how a man should treat a woman. You are always willing to be goofy with the girls. You don't allow them to ever question whether you love them. The fact that you make sure every night you go in and give them a kiss and tell them you love them before they fall asleep, that will stay with them forever. They won't ever doubt that their daddy loves them. I appreciate that you enjoy staying home with the family. That watching a movie and lounging on the couch with the kids is just as exciting to you as going out used to be. The smile you get on your face when you interact with the girls shows how much you truly love them.
Thank you for being there for the girls. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being my strength when I felt like I was falling apart, through everything we have been through this year. Thank you for bringing me back to reality and reminding me to concentrate on the here and now, not the "what ifs". You always try to make it the kids events whenever you can. I hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated, not only by me, but by your children. And that is not something every man can say!
Love you loads,
Me
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